Getting It Off My Chest

I am usually careful to be cryptic in my blog posts. I don't want to reveal too much of myself , so I tend to err on the side of optimism and light. Well, right now, I'm in a space in my life where I feel there is power in articulating my anger and dissatisfaction...if only to place it behind me and move forward.
I like lists, so I thought I'd make one.

Reasons I'm Angry:

• I'm angry that my heart was broken.
• I'm angry that I invested in a "we" when I should have been looking out for me.
• I'm angry that I have no fixed address yet.
• I'm angry that my body shut down in the face of stress and anxiety and as a result, my health has been compromised.
• I'm angry I have to commit time and energy and money to healing.

And here's another list: 

• I celebrate my resilience and perseverance.
• I celebrate and am very thankful for my friends...actually... here, they are my family who support and care for me.
• I celebrate the fact that I have two big creative theatrical projects I can dive into.
• I celebrate my teaching job, which gives me joy and provides me with good money.
• I'm thankful for a great Chinese Medicine Doctor.
• I celebrate the lesson of patience.
• I celebrate the potential in my present and my future. I'm calling in good things.

Be Free

Uppers

Last Sunday, I met Sheila, Sue and Finn at Costco for a coffee and a visit  and a shopping mission. I bought pumpkin pie and maple syrup. I thought about writing a haiku or something equally clever to express my thoughts and feelings about pumpkin pie and maple syrup.... but I  think it's enough to say that these things have helped lift my spirits when I was feeling low this week.

Convenience

I've decided I am too busy for the next couple months to set aside time to shop at the market. Well actually, if I thought about it, I could do it....it's not impossible. However, I've opted for easy and I am now getting my fruits and veggies delivered every fortnight. My first box came this last week and it was like Christmas. 

Check out the Globe Artichoke! I steamed it and dipped each leaf in garlic butter with crusty bread last night!

Transitions in Coburg

The universe is looking out for me. As I search for the best place to live (as in: by myself!), I am lucky enough to be housesitting for the month of October at a cute little cottage in Coburg while it's owners are overseas visiting relatives in Vancouver. (Fancy that!) 

Now, while the cottage is cute, and it's owners like to say it is in Brunswick East, it is technically in Coburg. Nestled in between factory outlets, it is quiet, but it is the farthest out I've ever lived in Melbourne. It's a fresh 10 minute cycle to meet Evelyn and Paul for our morning carpool out to work, and I must look after Oscar. 

Meet Oscar: 

I am SO NOT a cat lover, and Oscar tends towards needy. He's an old man cat, so that's ok, I guess... at least he isn't hectic. Oscar and I have established boundaries: I feed him on time and he doesn't jump on the dining table or sleep near my face.

Season One... done and dusted

The Turtles are tired, content and a bit hungover after we celebrated the closing night of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. 

Since my production of A Second of Pleasure went up early in the festival, I had the most opportunity of the three of us to see other shows. Nadia and Sapidah's show, Ulrike Meinhof Sings had an almost sold out season, and given that it is an intensely dense text AND a really difficult piece to stage, they ended on a very strong note. 

We celebrated with a lot of Honey Vodka shots at the Lithuanian Club (so good and so cheap!), and a bit of a boogie at the Fringe Club. Nadia and I lasted until 4 am.  We got messy and we were fine with it! 

Breathing Space

As is often the case, when I finish with an intense period of activity in the city, I escape to Lorne to find some breathing space. I took my time driving down the coast and enjoyed sitting on a few beaches and just looking out over the sea... until the torrential rains came.
I am quite content to just sit  and breathe salt air. The weather is immaterial. I needed to watch the sea move and gather my thoughts, allow some learning (personal and professional) to consolidate and to just let myself be.

I had lunch with Jas and Ava, and when the rain cleared, we wandered the main street, popped in to shops and said hi to people.... and yes, we giggled at the adorable baby Ava and her goofy smiles...but mostly we just talked and talked and talked.

I stayed on for dinner at the farm and overnight, and after a great visit, drove back into the city the next morning via Jas and Matt's preferred shortcut.... a new one for me.  These backroads revealed deep gullies, rolling fields, a few planted with bright yellow canola, some old farm windmills and twisted gum trees.
It's a good thing for me to take advantage of breathing space. It's good to really sit quietly. And, as I travel on new roads, to be reminded that I actually like new roads and adventure and not knowing what might happen next.

...and scene.

We got through this week's season of my production of A Second of Pleasure by Neil Labute. The week was rife with challenges, but we enjoyed a fair review in both the The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald.

While Stephen and Carla worked throughout the week to solidify text, play objectives and negotiate the space, audiences seemed intrigued, curious, perplexed, and entertained.

Every evening, we had a handful of audience members there "on purpose", and we always picked up an even larger handful of randoms. People would glance as they passed, some rubbernecked, others slowed down and then stopped. Still others passed, but paused the turn around and watch at a safe distance.

Each night someone would stop and ask someone else who was watching, "What's going on? " "Is this real?" I loved watching the reactions of people as they passed to catch their trains. I loved it when no one applauded. It doesn't end on a happy note, and the two actors would leave each other at the end of the scene, each walking in their own separate direction: Stephen (Kurt), towards the trains, and Carla (Jess), back up to the street level.

Many people commented that they felt guilty and voyeuristic as they watched Jess and Kurt end their relationship. "I felt bad for watching!" "I felt a little bit wrong."
The grumpy Metro guy who turned out the lights and locked the roller doors at 7 pm every night watched the end of the show one evening and after Jess breaks up with Kurt and leaves him standing there with a train to catch, he said, "Poor bloke.... I had a lady do that to me last month. I was devastated."
And that's the beauty and the tension of site-generic work. Is it real, is it not real?How real do you try to make it? How performative do you make it?  Does it matter as long as people recognize the moment as one they themselves have experienced?